Can you increase your emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence in the ability to understand and control your own emotions and understand and perceive the emotions of others.  Many companies are looking for certain characteristics associated with emotional intelligence, or EI, during the hiring process, as  it is believed to present a competitive advantage over individuals that do not possess these qualities.  The question remains, then, can someone increase his or her emotional intelligence?

The simple answer is yes.  But that is not to say it will be an easy task.  On the surface, you might think that understanding your own emotions is easy or that you are already really good at it.  But think about the last time you were so angry you yelled at someone else – a boyfriend or girlfriend maybe?  Your child?   A parent?  Did you feel as though you were pushed and could not control that anger?  Did you feel bad after the fact about how you reacted?   That is an example of a situation in which you can increase your emotional intelligence, and also an example of just how difficult the process can be.

The best place to start is with yourself.  Once you have a good understanding of yourself, your own emotions, and then you can begin to learn to control those emotions.  It will take great mental effort to catch the moments that present areas of opportunity.  A good starting point is to have a time of reflection.  Keep a journal handy, and when you react poorly or negatively, take a few minutes to reflect on the situation.  Write down the trigger that caused you to be upset or emotional, and go one step deeper.  Was is the situation, or was there something underlying that led to this reaction?  What exactly did you feel at the time?  Was it anger, frustration, empathy, sympathy, embarrassment, fatigue, hurt, sorrow, sadness?   What emotional tie exists between your feelings and the situation?  WHY did you get so upset?

The more specific you can get with how you felt, why you felt that way, and if there is a deeper influence, the easier it will be start recognizing the triggers.  Eventually, you will recognize the trigger before the reaction, and the real changing can begin.