Category: Life Journey

So many of us go through periods of hardship, and for some of us, that hardship is a heavy load to carry.  There are instances and circumstances that can feel overwhelming, initiate anxiety, and even lead to depression.  We have all heard the old adage of “This too shall pass.”, and it’s true. Most likely, this will eventually be a memory.  But in the moment, we still have to find ways to cope with the struggles.

There are books and article written with advice on coping with struggles.  And I highly recommend personal development as a part of the growth process.  But in all honesty, the one area that we, as a collective society, fail in the most is trying to take on too much in order to fix the situation at a time when we are vulnerable.  In the middle of struggles our natural instinct is to try to fix everything at once in order to make the situation better.  We take a birds eye view and notice so many areas that are hurting or need attention, and we try to make adjustments for it all.  But we are not good multi-taskers, and we are only hurting ourselves.

In a situation of overwhelm and panic, the best advice I have is to pick just one thing. That’s right.  Just one.  And I get it.  It’s tough to pick just one.  But choose the one area that will affect you the most, and focus on that.

For me, the one thing became to stop being angry, to figure out a way to let go of anger so that I could truly work through the crap and move forward with my life. I prayed a lot (through tears most of the time), and I started writing and working out every day. It took time, but it eventually helped me to have a clear head to be able make other decisions about where I was, what I needed to make right, and what I needed to change or do differently. It was a really hard year…. I had to cut off dating all together. It clouded everything. Too many emotions involved, and my head and my heart don’t always agree. Lol

So I committed to focusing on me (and Aidan). Only after I was able to let go of the anger was I able to fully walk away from a really bad situation, and I was able to really figure out what I wanted and needed. The hardest part is learning to be totally honest with yourself… like, brutally honest in a way that is “I hate this about myself and it needs to change”. Or “I hate that I did XYZ, and I need to make sure that never happens again”. It’s not easy to stop relying on the reasons the existed as to why I made the choices and actually gave the consequences of them. But eventually you had to just say ok, I did this, and no matter the reason, I am becoming someone I don’t like. And the reasons didn’t change – I did. Because there is no reason ever to stop being someone I would want to be friends with. I was better than that, and so are you.

You don’t ever have to say anything to any of your family or to me, but you do have to get honest with yourself. I’m sure there are things in your life that you do, have done, want to do that frustrate you. I know you have conflicting thoughts. I get it. I don’t need to know the exacts to know you have them, cause I’ve been there! Lol so you need to figure out what you love about yourself. What makes you awesome? Why are you a great mom and a great wife (or will be a great girlfriend… since I don’t know how this all will shake out). What do you have to offer someone? But then also take the inventory of what you’re not so proud of. What do you know about yourself that can be tough for someone else? How often does that come out? How would you want to be instead? What steps can you take? Then just pick one and start with that … every day try to do that one thing. Slowly change happens, and you’ll become the beat version of yourself despite anything that is going on right now.

But know that when I say it takes time… girl, I’m talking 3-4 years for me. So be patient, show yourself some grace, but no matter what, take the step!

Hiring for fit is the easiest way to make the workplace function smoothly.  But for a sales atmosphere, it is essential that you hire for attitude.  You need the sales guys with fire in their eyes and passion in their bones.  It’s a quality that is rare, and it is not always visible in a first interview, but it will come out.  This is what it looks like:

“You want me on your team!  Plain and simple.

I could go into the track record of sales I’ve brought in over the years or hitting sales  numbers consistently.  I could also dive into the many failures I’ve had and what I’ve learned from each one, and point out that I’m still here to talk about them all.  Or I can just tell you a story.

I came from the business world – started in collections where I worked as an HR Generalist, and moved into an HR Manager role with the next position I accepted.  I ended up in sales by chance, because my HR role was eliminated at the company where I was working. A friend’s company was hiring in sales. Honestly, I had no idea if I was going to like being in a sales role, or if I was going to be any good at it.  What I did know is that I needed to be in a position where I could actually get paid for working my ass off, and with that I took a leap of faith.  Lucky for me, I’m ended up being pretty damn good at it.

When I took that position 13 years ago, I set goals for myself.  Paying off bills, save, build a retirement, buy a house.  But I also set the goal of becoming a recognized name within the company.  I was the only female rep out of 500, but I wanted to make a name for myself as a badass sales agent, not just a girl.  I wanted everyone to know that I could sell circles around the men, and I really wanted to pave the way for more female sales reps in a predominantly male industry.  Fast forward to just past the one year mark, and I did just that.  I was training new sales reps, and I was presenting best practices and sales strategies regional training seminars.

At one of the first regional meetings I presented at, I was sitting in the back of the room for the first session of the day.  It was all about follow ups and the trap that most salespeople fall into of not setting aside time to make the phone calls and do the follow ups.  It is dead silent as the question and answer segment starts. The newbie next to me raised his hand and asked this question:  “When do I expect a call back?”  The Veto Guy in my head was clearly on his lunch break, and I just about spit my coffee across the table as I swallowed a laugh.  I looked at him with a look of bewilderment, and I just said with a straight face (and quite possibly slight sarcasm), “You don’t!”  Because the one thing I knew is that a watched pot never boils.  Go after what you want, do what other sales people don’t do.  Pick up the phone for the 12th call.  Go in the back door.  Hit up a sales agent for that company.  Sit your lawn chair in the parking spot of the CEO and get the appointment scheduled!

Dude, I’m a badass.  Not because of the numbers I bring in, or the failures I’ve overcome, or the amount of times a day I hear no.  I’m a badass because no is NOT an answer.  I’m a badass because I think outside the box.  I’m a badass because I take the initiative to know my product or service inside and out, upside down and backwards. There is no objection I can’t handle, because I am the expert. Albert Einstein had it right when he said, “If you can’t explain it simply, then you don’t know it well enough.”  I can speak intelligently about the reasons I rock, and why my company rocks, too.  I’m a badass because I love what I do.  I have the power to help people change their lives, and that is no truer than in what I do right now as a New Home Sales Counselor.  I’m literally helping people see the potential of a dream coming true.   And that makes me a badass salesperson.

You can find a mediocre sales guy anywhere.  He will bring you sales and meet your expectations.  These guys are a dime a dozen.  They are motivated by money, and will do what it takes for their paycheck.  I hate those guys.  There’s no fire, and they don’t really care about your buyers.  The rare quality you are looking for doesn’t come in wrapped in a pretty package bought with a paycheck.  It comes in the form of hard work and sweat and tears over one sale, because your badass sales guy knows that this product/service can serve the customer so much more than the paycheck can serve him.

“There is no greater inequality than to treat unequals equal.”  Don’t settle, my friend. Hire a badass.

There is a big world out there full of possibility and opportunity. So many people go through life doing what is necessary day in and day out, and they miss the details, the things that really matter, the small things that can lead to big things. Being in the moment is hard, but it really does have an impact on how you feel, and how you act and react throughout the day.

Being intentional is a mindset, and it takes practice and patience. Here are some simple tips you can start today for being intentional and living with purpose:

1. Do what you love! Loving what your doing certainly makes it easier. So if you aren’t loving what your doing, then find something you love! You may have to make some sacrifices for now, you may have to do what you don’t love to sustain doing what you love for now, but do it anyway! It will pay off.
2. Make the time. Stop making excuses. If you did just one thing every day, just imagine where you CAN be at the end of a week, a month, a year. So take the next step and do something -ANYTHING-towards your goal. You’ll be glad you did!
3. Be great and work hard in everything you choose to do. It may not be the ideal situation right now, but everything you do is a part of the journey to where you are going. You never know who is watching, so be great today.
4. Be grateful! “A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.” So no matter how small, start and end each day with a moment of gratitude and blessing.
5. Pay attention to the little things that you’re good at, that make you happy and get you excited. It could be the door opening to the next great thing in your life!

Living each day by intentional action is tough, and it’s easy to get side-tracked and pulled away from what matters.  The hustle and bustle of life have a way of clouding our vision with things that are not important.  Society has a way of making things seem urgent or important, but the truth is that you already know what matters.  The question is, what are you doing to sustain it?  Being intentional means living with conviction in keeping the most important areas of your life as priorities.

Start by taking some time to answer these questions:

1. What makes you happy? What do you like to do?
2. What is important to you? What are the top 3-5 priorities in your life?
3. When do you feel most alive and excited?
4. When are you most active? What are you doing in those times?
5. If you had a free 24 hours, how would you spend that time?
6. What do you for yourself daily, weekly, monthly?
7. What do you do to recharge the relationships that are most important to you?

Does your current routine align with the things that matter?  For example, if you love to write but you are working two jobs to make ends meet and not making the time every day to at least keep a journal, then your passion is not aligned with your life.  Are there areas that you can remove or reduce to make time for the things that matter?

In most cases, the passions don’t appear in front of you and magically open doors of opportunities.  People who are living out their passions and their purpose took intentional action towards those goals every day.  They had to sacrifice in other areas to make dreams a reality.  They had to walk through difficult times and find the reason to stay focused even when it would be easy to give up.

It’s not always easy to do what is necessary, but it is worth it.  Giving up 30 minute of sleep to spend time writing every day will be worth it when you publish your first book.  Sacrificing that last TV show of the night for sleep so you can start your day with your work out will be worth it when you realize you’ve lost 20 pounds. Working part-time to make ends meet while you build a resume and a following doing what you love will be worth it when you open the doors to your own business.

The truth is that if it matters enough, you WILL find a way.   Everyone can find an excuse; the easy way is always enticing, but it is not as rewarding.  It takes courage to find just one reason with conviction that will lead to intentional action every day.

Be courageous.  Be intentional.  Be you.

I don’t know about you, but I am slightly envious of the people who always seem to have their s*** together.  You know who I’m talking about.  No matter what happens, the chips always seem to fall their way, their happiness is contagious, and they just genuinely seem to have it together most of the time.  They are the people that everyone else is drawn to.

If I had to guess, he or she didn’t just wake up that way.  Behind the scenes, there was a lot of patience and practice that went into becoming that person.  It took a lot of daily focus, mindfulness, and authority over his or her thoughts.  There’s something to be said for being in control of your thoughts and having the ability to be present. It takes patience and practice, and it’s not easy.  Those who have mastered the skill are probably more in touch with themselves and those around them than others – they have a high level of emotional intelligence.

Think about it – in any relationship, whether with a spouse or just a good friend, you understand that if one party voices a concern, it benefits both of you if you pay attention  and try to correct it.  You’ll apologize, and you might fix the problem for a little while, but  I would put a high wage on the fact that it’s only a short time before you slip into the old way of thinking.  But who wants to stay in a relationship that is constantly hurting someone’s feelings?

Most people are not consistently conscious.  Instead, the patterns typically goes like this:

• Person 1:  I hate it when you leave the dishes on the counter.
• Person 2:  I’m so sorry… I didn’t know it bothered you so much.  I’ll stop leaving dishes on the counter.
• Person 1:  Ok, cool.
• Person 2:  (a week or so later)…I know you don’t like the dishes on the counter so I put them in the sink.
  • a few weeks pass by…..
• Person 2:  Goes to work and leaves a dish on the counter.
• Person 1:  I thought I told you I hate the dishes on the counter?  We definitely talked about it….

Minor example, but there are a few things wrong here….  neither side was explicitly clear in what they wanted or were going to do.  Person 1 only said what she didn’t like and not what the expectation was, and Person 2 just said she wouldn’t do it, but didn’t explain what she was willing to do.  The problem is left open to interpretation, and it actually causes more stress.    A second thing is that Person 1 and Person 2 obviously have different levels of importance on this matter, so without being explicitly clear, there is not reason to change personal views.   Instead, it’s addressed in the immediate situation, and then we move forward and because it doesn’t register as important or urgent, the habit doesn’t stick.

Simply put, the majority of people live selfishly.  That isn’t to say we are selfish people, but our actions and reactions revolve mostly around ourselves and not other people.  More inportantly, we don’t put a constant effort into changing habits that are ingrained into our natural reactions and patterns.  Yet, in order to evolve and grow, and in order to provide a foundation for a good relationship, we need to be able to A). be aware of what is and isn’t important to us and be able to voice that concisely to others, and B). we have to be able to internalize when someone else has an issue that is important and be willing to change for the good of the relationship.  We actually have to be an active participant in changing the habit…every. single. time.

The best part about emotional intelligence is that it is ever changing.  We are constantly growing and evolving as humans and as individuals.  We have the power to change, and eventually, new habits will form in place of old ones.  You just have to be willing to put in the work against yourself for yourself.

As May comes to a close and June begins, remember that no matter where you are in your journey, there will be people who cannot handle your success.

Sometimes we outgrow the people we surround ourselves with, and that’s ok.  Life does not always provide people who are meant to remain forever.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or just felt. They have come to assist you through a hard time, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Then, suddenly, the person disappears from your life. Your need has been met; their work is done.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share or grow or give back. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They give you great joy. Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons—things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all your other relationships.

Think about the people in your life over the years. Whether they were there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, accept them and treasure them for however long they were meant to be part of your life.

And when they are gone, be thankful for the gifts you received from them when they were here—for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

(Credit: Taken from https://considerthisradioshow.com/reason-season-lifetime/).

As the season changes, it’s a good reminder to do a status check on your circle.  Be certain that you are surrounding yourself with the people who will support you, encourage you to keep going, and push you forward.  People who propel you in forward momentum are ones to keep around.  They are your people.

Just like lifting today makes you stronger tomorrow, sometimes we need to be reminded that whatever we are going through is meant to teach us today and make us stronger for tomorrow.  And sometimes, we just need to be reminded that this moment right now will eventually pass.  I don’t know how it will end or what the outcome will be, but I do know that at some point, you will look back and be able to see how far you have traveled, even if there is still a long, unlit path in front of you.

Today, you struggle. Tomorrow, you will be stronger.

We get so bogged down with the details and the process that we never fully engage in the big picture.  But it is often in the details where we lose sight of the big picture.  And just as when we lose sight of the horizon, we start looking back towards land, if you lose sight of the big picture, you lose the motivation to keep moving forward.

Write it down and read it daily.

Remind yourself of why you had the big picture in sight.

Do something daily to move towards the big picture, even if you have to bypass some details.

You don’t need to see the entire staircase to take the first step, and each step you take gets you closer to the top.  So grab the handrail and take the step.

The difference between who I was at the start of my sales career and who I am today became clear in my last sales position.  It came down to the “why”.

When I started my career in sales in 2007, I had been downsized twice in a span of 5 months.  The market for HR professionals was a difficult one with a small margin of success.  I was a single mom without a job, two degrees but very little experience, and very little time to make something happen.  A sales opportunity presented itself in the right place and at the right time, and as nervous as I was, I jumped on it.  I was NOT going to fail no matter what happened.  Failing was NOT an option.

As we grow, and as time passes, our priorities shift…. the “Why” changes.  The need to have a steady income based on my efforts shifted when I became more stable.  The drive to be a 6-figure income earner shifted when I realized what I was giving up in order to achieve that level of success.  I wanted to to be more present, involved, and engaged in my son’s life.  This was the priority, and as long as I was paying the bills, the extra stuff could wait.  Being present for my children and my marriage was, and still is, more important than the high pay check. When my priorities shifted, my passion shifted.  And taking a pay cut has not been easy, but I am happier for it.

If you don’t love what you do, or if you love it but are depressed or disengaged because it causes you to be out of balance in other areas, then it may be time to re-evaluate your situation and make changes that can move you in the direction you need to go.