Category: Life Journey

https://youtu.be/nhixMwfBL7Y

 

Success is not something that can be measured against a yardstick.  Yet, we use measures of success in almost every aspect of society.  Rankings, pay grade, raises, promotions. We celebrate birthday and anniversary milestones like they are markers of success.  And we hold events that celebrate the best of the best like the Olympics and the Superbowl.

But if you asked the leading athletes about their success, they always attribute it to something bigger than just winning.  It was a journey, a goal they set, the will to keep going no matter what.  That comes from something deeper.

The truth is that there is no form of measure to accurately quantify or qualify your level of success.  It is highly individualized.  It changes with time and purpose.  The materials possessions you collect are a visual representation, but do a collection of things yet a sad heart really constitute success?

Instead of focusing on what society deems successful, try focusing inward on what and who matter most.  Does your dream get put on the back burner?  Do your children have enough of your time?  Does your spouse of significant other get the best of you or what’s left over?

Don’t let society define your success.  Success is happiness, authenticity, love, honesty, freedom, achievement, forgiveness, knowledge.  It’s a feeling through the journey, not just the end goal.  Success is knowing you did not give up.

Are you giving it it your all and focused on doing your personal best? If not, there is no better time to start than right now.

 

We have all had those moments when hindsight is 20/20, and we just want to kick ourselves in the ass for not knowing better.  But that’s just it…we didn’t know any better.  The fact is that some lessons just can’t be learned until you are completely immersed in the nightmare.  But it’s going through the nightmare and coming out on the other side that makes you stronger.

Life does have a way of throwing lemons at you.  Actually, life has a way of throwing lemons at you ALL THE TIME.  We have a few choices…turn and run away from them, try to dodge, or catch them.  You’re still reading, so that must mean you made the choice to catch the lemons…now what?  Well, more choices….  catch and throw, catch and collect…

A friend of mine is going through a rough time right now, and while she’s in the middle of it all, she feels like she is drowning.  I reminded her that she is amazing.  And I also reminded her that she won’t see progress or results while she is walking the walk, but one day she’ll be able to look back and not only see, but KNOW without a doubt, just how far she has come and how much she has triumphed over.   YOU WILL TOO!

People will try to hold you back.  They will throw doubt and worry and fear in your face when you are hoping for a little extra confidence or encouragement.  Move forward anyway.  They will try to persuade you to give up or change course.  Stay the course anyway.  Why?  Because your character is built on the days you struggle, and your reputation is built on the days you celebrate.

Your potential will send them on a tailspin to prevent your success out of their fear of being left behind when you succeed.  In the words of Sandra Bullock, “It is noisy out there, and for some reason, people want to see you fail.  But that is not your problem.  That is their problem.”

So work through the tough times – catch the lemons…and one day you’ll be drinking margharitas on the beach while your nay-sayers are still trying to figure out how to simply dodge the lemons.

Plan your work and work your plan.

It’s a pretty simple concept.  Yet, so many of us fail to make even a sketch of a plan for the day or the week, but we continue to wonder why we get so derailed.  Each day, if we took just a few minutes to plan out how we want the day to run, and be disciplined to follow the plan.  Doing this daily gives us an opportunity to review anything that isn’t working, make adjustments, and still stay focused on the goal.  

It may not seem like it now, but the internal dialogue you have with yourself is shaping your future reality.

Think about it…how often does a co-worker tell you she likes your dress, and your response is “Oh, this old thing?”   What happened to “Thank you”?

We are programming our minds to believe that we are less than we are with every statement that isn’t 100% positive.  Pay attention to how you talk to and about yourself. And if it needs to change, change it!  See what happens in your life!

Sometimes, in the most vulnerable of moments, our emotions can take control of our actions. But letting your emotions take the lead can have detrimental consequences in both your personal and professional life.

Although these should be common practice, here are a few reminders of things to do when you find yourself emotionally drained:

Take a deep breath. Or 3! Preferably outdoors. Deep breathing exercises are designed to force oxygen to areas of your lungs that not normally fully engaged. It will help get blood circulating through your body faster, increasing the ability to control our emotions.

Count to 10, or 20, or 100… whatever it takes.

Go for a walk, or a run if that’s your thing. Or just work out. Burn some calories and get stronger will help connect your physical and emotional sides.

Take a nap. Sometimes, just getting a little extra sleep will help maintain an even emotional state.

Color. Science has proven that the physical act of coloring has calming affects on the mind.

Tell yourself why you love/are friends with the other person. It’s a great way to gain some perspective and return to a civil state.

Write down all the reasons you want to win this argument, and the effect it will have on the relationship. Chances are, it’s not that important after all.

Sing your favorite song. Turn up the radio, put the windows down, and belt it out! Chances are the tunes will help put you in a happier mental state and release tension.

Laugh out loud. Literally…

Check out Facebook and see how great your life is compared to others.

Go home, or if you are home, leave! Removing yourself from a stressful or negative situation can instantly provide relief and help you gain some clarity.

Watch your favorite movie – bonus points for chick flicks that make you cry! Get those emotions out in a healthy way.

Have a drink. Of water!! Keeping the body properly hydrated helps to keep a clear mind.

Hug someone. The physical act of hugging has tremendous benefits on the psyche – especially in women.

Sometimes, in the middle of an ordinary day, someone extraordinary will happen that manages to keep us grounded and leave us in awe.

 

Let that sink in.  Have you missed extraordinary moments?  Are you too busy with busy work to see the beauty of life around you? Take a few minutes to stop and breathe, and take in what’s going on around you.  But more importantly, be aware of what’s going on inside you.  We are capable of so much more than we realize, but the majority of people never reach their fullest potential.  We are hindered by our own beliefs, which have manifested over time and become fixtures in our thought patterns.  But there’s hope!

One of the greatest attributes of emotional intelligence is that it can be strengthened at any time with a little focus and consistent practice.  Being self-aware is the first step, and the most important in making any changes in your life.  To make any major shift in your life, you must first change your mind.

As we leave 2017 behind and look forward in 2018, I want to challenge you to the following:

1. Find your passion.   Figure out what you love doing, and then take steps towards that dream.  Do you want to write a book?  Go buy a notebook and carve out time each day to write.  Do you want to paint more?  Sign up for a class.
2. Be committed.  Whatever it is you find from number 1, be committed to doing something with it, for it, to grow it, and to challenge yourself to become great around it.
3. Start.  I would bet that 99% of you reading this have a goal or a dream that has remained in that dream state for FAR TOO LONG.  Just start.  It doesn’t have to be perfect or great or even out in the public view.  But start anyway.

 

So what’s your bigger picture?

 

Too often, we (and I mean me) let others place our value or worth.  We just accept…accept what our parents had as enough, accept the college we can afford, accept that first job offer and the paycheck value placed on that job.  And when mistakes happen or things don’t go as planned, we accept a sense of de-valuing because someone else has determined we are replaceable.

In all honesty, we ARE replaceable.  Every one of us.  There will be someone smarter or better at your job than you are or I am.  There will be someone faster.  There will be someone a little more eager, newer to the industry, or fresh out of college and willing to accept that lower salary. And maybe, there will be someone who might love it just a little more than you do, or I do.  That makes us replaceable in the eyes of someone who puts a dollar figure to your value to a company.

When does it stop? When do we stop accepting the values that other people stipulate?  When do we start valuing ourselves?  I go to work each day, and I come home each evening, and in between I give all I can to the position I hold.  But is it enough? In a lot of cases, unfortunately, my guess is that it is not.  Society teaches to always expect more, and that carries into business.

There comes a point when one person has had enough.  Enough stress, enough disappointment, enough paycheck to paycheck living, enough loss in self-confidence and in one’s abilities.  And in that moment or moments, a shift occurs.  It’s a realization that there is more to “knowing what you’re worth” than the dollars on the paycheck.  Here is what is NOT replaceable:

• Your attitude – your choice on how you approach your day.
• Your work ethics – knowing you did your very best.
• Your knowledge, and sharing that freely with others.
• Your integrity – doing the right thing for the right reasons.
• Your honesty, because you word builds your character, which will precede you.
• Your generosity in helping others.

Be true in how you represent yourself on this list, and you will slowly begin to see your own worth, which is more valuable than any price tag or paycheck.  It will make you humble, and grateful, and the best version of yourself you can be.  It’s never too late for that.

Emotional intelligence in the ability to understand and control your own emotions and understand and perceive the emotions of others.  Many companies are looking for certain characteristics associated with emotional intelligence, or EI, during the hiring process, as  it is believed to present a competitive advantage over individuals that do not possess these qualities.  The question remains, then, can someone increase his or her emotional intelligence?

The simple answer is yes.  But that is not to say it will be an easy task.  On the surface, you might think that understanding your own emotions is easy or that you are already really good at it.  But think about the last time you were so angry you yelled at someone else – a boyfriend or girlfriend maybe?  Your child?   A parent?  Did you feel as though you were pushed and could not control that anger?  Did you feel bad after the fact about how you reacted?   That is an example of a situation in which you can increase your emotional intelligence, and also an example of just how difficult the process can be.

The best place to start is with yourself.  Once you have a good understanding of yourself, your own emotions, and then you can begin to learn to control those emotions.  It will take great mental effort to catch the moments that present areas of opportunity.  A good starting point is to have a time of reflection.  Keep a journal handy, and when you react poorly or negatively, take a few minutes to reflect on the situation.  Write down the trigger that caused you to be upset or emotional, and go one step deeper.  Was is the situation, or was there something underlying that led to this reaction?  What exactly did you feel at the time?  Was it anger, frustration, empathy, sympathy, embarrassment, fatigue, hurt, sorrow, sadness?   What emotional tie exists between your feelings and the situation?  WHY did you get so upset?

The more specific you can get with how you felt, why you felt that way, and if there is a deeper influence, the easier it will be start recognizing the triggers.  Eventually, you will recognize the trigger before the reaction, and the real changing can begin.